Quotes from Milton Berle

“I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.”

“I’d rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I’d rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.”

“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.”

“Laughter is an instant vacation.”

“My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.”

“In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn’t say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.”

“You can lead a man to Congress, but you can’t make him think.”

“Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, ‘You’re only interested in one thing,’ and you can’t remember what it is.”

“I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they’re lost.”

Quotes about Milton Berle

“Milton’s style was exactly right for what he did. He had enormous energy. Enormous vitality. He still does.”
– Steve Allen

“No one has timing like Milton Berle. He has absolutely the finest timing of any comedian in the business. There’s no one like him.”
– Sid Caesar

“He sold more television sets in this country than any other company or person. RCA didn’t sell them, or the people who make them. He sold them. People would visit other people. There were only a million or something sets in the whole country when Milton became a star. And then, after seeing Milton’s show, then “yeah… I think you’re right, we’d better get one, Myrtle. And they’d go out and buy a set!”
– Jack Lemmon

“Milton, for sixty years you’ve entertained us, and you’ve made us laugh, and we say to you, ‘Milton, do it again.'”
– Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen in 1973

“The biggest love affair since Romeo and Juliet is Milton Berle and the audience.”
– Walter Winchell

Dialogue from the radio show, “Gillette Original Community Sing”

Milton: “Haha, that was Dan Seymour… an announcer with a great following.”

Dan: “Right, Milton.”

Milton: “A wonderful following: three sheriffs… a house detective… and the finance company! Danny, why do you hound me. Here I am… working my head to the bone – I mean my fingers! Why, I’ve been working so hard… my mother’s tired!”


Milton: “Thanks, Mom! Mom was right on cue…just the way we rehearsed it!”